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| TIME | SPEAKER | TEXT |
|---|---|---|
| 00:00:11 |
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YOU'RE WELCOME. [INAUDIBLE CONVERSATIONS] |
| 00:00:14 |
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WE ARE NOW OUTSIDE AT THE MIAMI BOOK FAIR INTERNATIONAL, THE 25th OF THESE IN SOUTH FLORIDA. WE ARE... |
| 00:00:55 |
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WITHOUT FURTHER ADO. [APPLAUSE] |
| 00:01:01 |
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WELL, I'VE BEEN SICK. THE TWO MEN I'M ABOUT TO INTRODUCE HAVE A LOT OF THINGS IN COMMON. THEY ARE... |
| 00:01:48 |
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THEY LIVE NOW IN A LITTLE BUNGALOW. AND ANOTHER THING ABOUT THEM IS THAT THE STORY ABOUT THE GUY WHO... |
| 00:03:50 |
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THANK YOU FOR INTRODUCING US WITH A JOKE ABOUT HAVING SEX WITH PIGS. I'M GOING TO GO FIRST BECAUSE... |
| 00:09:05 |
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I DON'T MEAN THAT IN THE SENSE NECESSARILY OF FIGHTING FOR THE RIGHT PERSON BUT NOT SCREWING UP THE... |
| 00:09:28 |
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IT WORKS OUT PRETTY WELL. THE SCHOLASTIC APTITUDE TEST. I ALWAYS THOUGHT THE WAY WE SHOULD VOTE IN... |
| 00:10:24 |
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HE DOES THAT THING. SO WE KNEW HE WAS GOING OUT. JOHN MCCAIN, AGAIN, THE STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES.... |
| 00:12:50 |
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WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A DEPRESSION AND THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY OUT OF THAT WHICH IS TO INVADE JAPAN. ANOTHER... |
| 00:13:33 |
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I SAY IT'S PAYBACK FOR HIP-HOP. I'M AN AGING PERSON. PROBABLY THE WORST MEDICAL -- I DON'T WANT TO... |
| 00:14:06 |
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I'LL TELL YOU WHAT MEN WANT WE WANT THE DOCTOR TO STAND ABOUT 50 YARDS AWAY. IT LOOKS GOOD. I 'M... |
| 00:14:40 |
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MY LITTLE BROTHER IS WAY MORE RESPONSIBLE THAN I AM. WHEN HE TURNED 50 HE GET A COLONOSCOPY WHICH... |
| 00:16:08 |
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I ONLY TALK ABOUT THAT BECAUSE ROY TOLD THE JOKE ABOUT THE GUYS HAVING SEX WITH PIGS. THAT IS THE... |
| 00:16:35 |
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YOU CAN SEE I DO NOT HAVE A MUSICAL COUNTERPART. HE DID MOWN A BIT ONCE ABOUT HIS LACK OF MUSIC. HE... |
| 00:27:55 |
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ERASERS. I SAID I HAVE ENOUGH ERASERS. I DON'T NEED ANY MORE. THE KIDS DID NOT CARE. THEY DIDN'T... |
| 00:30:30 |
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I WAS ON A COUPLE OF TIMES BECAUSE I WROTE A BOOK. SO AFTER THE CLASSROOM I AM STILL SPECULATING ON... |
| 00:31:02 |
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THEY ADMIT IT. BUT THEN -- ALL OF THIS IS NEGATIVE NOTE. IT'S A GOOD THING TO END ON A NEGATIVE NOTE.... |
| 00:32:20 |
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WELL, ARE THERE ANY QUESTIONS? [LAUGHTER] |
| 00:32:23 |
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ON CALCULUS. |
| 00:32:24 |
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AND NOT ABOUT CALCULUS. I WELCOME YOU TO THE STATE OF FLORIDA WHICH IS 50TH IN THE UNITED STATES IN... |
| 00:32:54 |
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WELL, EDUCATION IS LIKE CONSTIPATION. IT'S ALWAYS THERE. [LAUGHTER] |
| 00:33:02 |
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THERE IS A LOT -- IF THERE IS ONE PROBLEM -- IF THERE IS ONE PROBLEM WITH EDUCATION IT IS POLITICIANS.... |
| 00:34:02 |
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YOU MIGHT AS WELL MOVE TO FALLUJAH. WE NEED TO DEFINE WHAT EDUCATION IS, AND IT IS NOT WHAT WE ARE... |
| 00:34:29 |
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WHAT WE ARE DOING IN EDUCATION IN MIAMI-DADE COUNTY, WE HAVE SEVERELY UNDERFUNDED SCHOOLS. OUR SOLUTION... |
| 00:34:42 |
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|
| 00:34:49 |
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YOU LEARN STATISTICS. |
| 00:34:50 |
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I WAS SURPRISED THAT IN YOUR REVIEW YOU FAILED TO MENTION THE CANDIDACY OF SARAH PALIN AND I WAS WONDERING... |
| 00:35:03 |
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EVERY NOW AND THEN A PERSON COMES ALONG THE THAT YOU CAN'T MAKE FUNNIER THAN SHE ALREADY IS. I WAS... |
| 00:35:31 |
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I THINK JOE BIDEN OFFERED ONE WITH THE LINE WHEN HE REFERRED TO GUILIANI AS SUBJECT, VERB, AND 9/11.... |
| 00:35:47 |
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THANK YOU BOTH VERY MUCH FOR A VERY ENTERTAINING TIME. |
| 00:35:56 |
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I THOUGHT IT WAS PROFOUND. [LAUGHTER] |
| 00:36:00 |
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YOU THOUGHT IT WAS PROFOUND? |
| 00:36:04 |
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HOW DEEPER CAN YOU GO THAN A COLONOSCOPY. SORRY TO INTERRUPT. |
| 00:36:09 |
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I SPENT 30 YEARS IN NEW YORK CITY TEACHING. YOUR BOOK MADE ME LAUGH. YOU MADE ME LAUGH. ONE DAY THEY... |
| 00:36:29 |
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I HAD A QUESTION. I'D LIKE TO ASK YOU IF YOU STILL MISS TEACHING. |
| 00:36:39 |
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OH, I MISS IT. I MISSED THE EXCITEMENT OF THE CHECKING MY TOES. IF I GET LAZY I GO TO A DESK. THEN... |
| 00:37:39 |
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HI, MR. MCCOURT. I'VE READ ALL YOUR BOOKS. I RATHER ENJOYED YOUR STORIES. AND ALL OF THIS IS SAID... |
| 00:38:00 |
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YOU JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS. |
| 00:38:10 |
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FRANK IS ON HEROIN. |
| 00:38:12 |
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WELL, WHEN ALL IS SAID AND DONE I WON'T BE HERE. |
| 00:38:22 |
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I WOULD LIKE YOU TO COMMENT ABOUT FLORIDA. |
| 00:38:24 |
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I'M SORRY, I DID NOT UNDERSTAND. |
| 00:38:26 |
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THE DEMOCRATIC PRIMARY. |
| 00:38:29 |
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THE DEMOCRATIC PRIMARY, IT DIDN'T COUNT. WE ARE FLORIDA. NATURALLY WE CAME UP WITH A WAY OF HAVING... |
| 00:38:58 |
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YOU TALK ABOUT THE SWELLING IN THE THROAT, MAN. FOLLOWED BY THE LITTLE BIT OF VOMIT. |
| 00:39:07 |
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YOU ARE A WISE MAN. YOU LOOK AT YEARS WITH GRACE AND THE WAY YOU SPEAK ABOUT THEM IS VERY CHARMING,... |
| 00:39:18 |
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WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY HIM A DRINK? |
| 00:39:23 |
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IF I HAD THE MONEY I WOULD. BUT MY BELIEF IS THAT THE VOCATION IS REALLY UNDER ATTACK, AS WE SPEAK... |
| 00:39:58 |
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FIRST OF ALL, I WOULD SAY NO CELLPHONE IS IN THE CLASSROOM. NOTHING. NOTHING BUT ME, THE KIDS, AND... |
| 00:41:34 |
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IT SEEMS TO ME THAT IT IS POSSIBLE THAT THE DUMBING OF AMERICA IS QUITE INTENTIONAL, THAT THE CURRENT... |
| 00:41:54 |
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I DON'T THINK -- WHEN YOU GO AROUND THIS COUNTRY AND TALK TO AUDIENCES AT BOOK FARES THERE ISN'T THAT... |
| 00:42:10 |
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BUT OUR YOUNGSTERS, THE GENERATION COMING UP. |
| 00:42:14 |
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IT ALL DEPENDS ON WHAT CONSTITUTES KNOWLEDGE. ONE OF THE THINGS WE FORGET ABOUT EDUCATION IS SOMETHING... |
| 00:43:01 |
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WAIT A MINUTE. IS THERE ANY REAL REASON TO TEACH PEOPLE ABOUT THE COSIGN? I HAVE NEVER USED IT AT... |
| 00:43:26 |
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TO BALANCE OUT THE SIGN. |
| 00:43:27 |
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OKAY. |
| 00:43:28 |
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TELL ME. HOW COME IN THE PRESS THE QUALITY OF WRITING HAS DETERIORATED IN THE SPELLING, AND PROPER... |
| 00:43:55 |
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I BLAME FRANK MCCOURT. UNTIL HE STARTED TEACHING WE HAD A PRETTY DARN EDUCATED COUNTRY GOING HERE.... |
| 00:44:25 |
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IN THE CITY OF LOS ANGELES THEY CALL FRANK MCCOURT A PARKING LOT ATTENDANT. HE IS THE OWNER OF THE... |
| 00:44:43 |
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MY WIFE IS FROM LOS ANGELES. A BIG BILLBOARD NEAR HER HOMETOWN CONGRATULATING FRANK MCCOURT ON HIS... |
| 00:45:00 |
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YEAH. |
| 00:45:02 |
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AND HE GETS SOMETIMES PEOPLE COME UP AND CONSOLE HIM OVER HIS MISERABLE CHILDHOOD. THEN HE WAS LIVING... |
| 00:45:45 |
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ARE THERE ANY MORE QUESTIONS? I DIDN'T HEAR IT. WHY -- THAT'S TERRIBLE. ENGLAND CAN ELECT A PRIME... |
| 00:46:17 |
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THE ELECTION IS OVER. |
| 00:46:21 |
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THERE ARE STILL SOME LATE RETURNS WE ARE LOOKING AT. I AM RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT. THE DEATH PENALTY... |
| 00:46:51 |
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I CAN RELATE TO A LOT OF THINGS YOU SAID. I HAD A COLONOSCOPY LAST WEEK. A TEACH AT A VOCATIONAL SCHOOL... |
| 00:47:08 |
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YOUR LIFE IS JUST HELL. DO YOU WANT SOME OF FRANK'S HEROIN? |
| 00:47:15 |
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WOULD YOU LIKE TO HAVE A DRINK? |
| 00:47:20 |
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HOW DID YOU SURVIVE THE TEENAGE YEARS? THAT IS WORSE THAN A COLONOSCOPY OR TEACHING AT A VOCATIONAL... |
| 00:47:31 |
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I HAVE A VERY SIMPLE SYSTEM. |
| 00:47:33 |
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I LOVE THE THING NOT GOING TO AUSTRALIA. SHIP THEM OFF. THAT WOULD BE GREAT. |
| 00:47:38 |
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THAT'S ONE WAY. I BELIEVE AN EMBARRASSING THEM. WHEN THEY'RE TEENAGERS YOU HAVE THAT POWER. SING IN... |
| 00:47:59 |
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THANKS. |
| 00:48:02 |
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WHAT I DID WHEN MY SON WAS 12 YEARS OLD I PICKED HIM UP AT MIDDLE SCHOOL IN THE OSCAR MEYER WIENER... |
| 00:48:24 |
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WELL, ONE THING I HAVE TO BE GRATEFUL FOR IN THIS COUNTRY IS EXPANDING ITS KNOWLEDGE OF GEOGRAPHY... |
| 00:50:08 |
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TO SUMMARIZE WHAT FRANK IS SAYING IS IF YOU WANT TO HELP THE ECONOMY -- [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] |
| 00:50:32 |
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IT'S A GOOD THING THIS IS A MATURE, POST-MASTURBATION AUDIENCE. [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] |
| 00:50:55 |
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ARE THERE ANY OTHER QUESTIONS? ANY OTHER QUESTIONS ON A REALLY DIFFERENT TOPIC? I THINK WE ARE DRIFTING... |
| 00:51:10 |
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I'M NOT GOING TO TOUCH THAT. I TEACH FRESHMAN ENGLISH ONE. A LOT OF WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT I HAVE... |
| 00:51:47 |
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I THINK IN A FEW YEARS YOU'LL BE UP HERE. |
| 00:51:50 |
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I'M WORKING THAT WAY. |
| 00:51:54 |
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WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A SPECIAL MIAMI BOOK FAIR PROMOTED TO MISERY. HE IS BANNED. |
| 00:52:00 |
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I DO HAVE A QUESTION. BOTH OF THE CANDIDATES AT ONE POINT OR ANOTHER, I HEARD THEM SAY THAT THEY NEEDED... |
| 00:52:43 |
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WELL, YOU KNOW, FOR A TRUE ANSWER, SMALLER CLASSES, BIGGER SALARIES. [APPLAUSE] [APPLAUSE] |
| 00:52:58 |
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I THINK IT'S THAT SIMPLE. |
| 00:52:59 |
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WELL, THEY KEEP ON SAYING THAT, BUT THIS YEAR IN POLK COUNTY IT DID NOT GIVE US A RAISE. I AM IN... |
| 00:53:22 |
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THE IMAGE OF TEACHERS IS VERY POOR. IF YOU'RE GOING TO TEACH YOUR ALMOST A FAILURE. I USED TO SAY... |
| 00:54:11 |
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THANK YOU. [LAUGHTER] |
| 00:54:16 |
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YOU KNOW, EDUCATION IS A LOT LIKE CONSTIPATION. .. |
| 00:55:07 |
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WHY DON'T THEY THEECH TEACH ANYTHING ABOUT MONEY IN SCHOOL, LIKE FINANCIAL EDUCATION OR ANYTHING,... |
| 00:55:26 |
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THEY TEACH MONEY, THEY HAVE THESE COURSES, I THINK IN -- THEY DO. MOST OF THE HIGH SCHOOLS HAVE COURSES... |
| 00:55:51 |
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LIBERTARIAN PARTY. |
| 00:55:53 |
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OH, I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH -- WHAT THE LIBERTARIAN -- RON PAUL WAS HE LIBERTARIAN. |
| 00:55:58 |
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THAT IS ALL I KNOW. SORRY. [LAUGHTER]. |
| 00:56:01 |
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I LIKE UPON RECALL. -- RON PAUL, SOMETHING CONFEDERATE FLAGGY AND HONEST ABOUT HIM BUT YOU CAN GET... |
| 00:56:11 |
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OKAY THEN, LISTEN, I THINK WE'RE DONE. THANK YOU. [APPLAUSE] [INAUDIBLE CONVERSATIONS] [INAUDIBLE... |
| 00:57:25 |
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THAT WAS DAVE BARRY AND FRANK McCOURT DESCRIBED AS MASTER STORY TERMS AND C-SPAN2 BOOK TV'S LIVE CONTINUING... |
NOTE: The transcript for this program was compiled from uncorrected Closed Captioning.
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